Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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