Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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