I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
