bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
