Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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