So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
