I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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