we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
