first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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