i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
