Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
