Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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