Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
