they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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