Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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