Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
