ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
