is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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