If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize