Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
