I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
