i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
