people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
