in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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