your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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