Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
