If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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