sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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