I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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