why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
