Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
