Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
