you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
