he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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