he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
