You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
