My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
