Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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