Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
