I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
