her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize