Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
