did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
