yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
