dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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