Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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