Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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