Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
