I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
