my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
