i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize