Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
