I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
