dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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