we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
