Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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