so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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