Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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