Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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