So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Shame - the story of my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
