When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
