Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
