my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
