I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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