I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
