I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
