Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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