Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
