i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
