it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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