Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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