I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
