FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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