He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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