I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
