He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
