he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize