We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
