i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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